By Alpha Male
IF you are a baboon you should consider moving to Knysna.
Why, you may ask. Well it is a pretty safe place and the humans here are no threat at
all. In fact, they put out food once a week in tall black bins so the dogs can’t get at it
before we do. Yummy!
Knysna humans are not aggressive. They run away at the slightest provocation and
sometimes it can be very funny, especially when chasing the old grey-haired ones.
Their running skills are quite pathetic and their behaviour is so hysterical that no
respectable troop would put up with them.
Any good baboon knows that when you encounter social dysfunction of this nature
there is a leadership problem. Clearly, their alpha males and matriarchs are incapable of
doing their jobs. And their assistants, who are called officials, seem to be completely
bemused.
We have noticed that humans like to argue but they can never agree. When they get
tired of arguing they go away and mutter among themselves. They just can’t make up
their minds because nothing is ever their responsibility. So nothing gets done.
Their big problem is the fence between the Pezulu golf estate and the “free houses”
outside the electric security fence. Actually the term “security fence” is a bit of a laugh
because there are trees that grow next to the fence and an agile baboon can easily climb
the trees and jump over the fence.
It should be a simple problem to solve, but not all trees are equal. Some trees seem to
have a kind of religious significance and are therefore untouchable, while others can be
vandalised without consequences. It is very hard to understand. Even for a baboon!
The way humans run their affairs is quite baffling. Instead of choosing experienced
leaders who know what they are doing, they select a group of pompous busybodies to
form a council which soon degenerates into a permanent state of disharmony. The only
thing they can agree on is that the hard-working humans who pay money to live in the
town should work even harder and pay them more money so they can puff out their
chests, eat fancy meals at council meetings, support friendly “contractors” and buy
shiny cars.
So why did humans invent this system? Well, there a theory of collective wisdom. If
you put enough sub-smart people into one room, assign a numerical value to their
thinking power, and do the addition you will eventually pass 100 IQ points. Even a
baboon should be in awe of such intellectual prowess!
And why doesn’t their system work? That’s easy. If you add up the wisdom numbers of
the moribund leadership and subtract the wisdom of the wannabe leaders you arrive at
a coalition with a functional IQ of about minus 250. Any more questions?